The Gay Man’s Dating Guide: 7 Tips on Finding ‘The One’

Let’s face it, finding the man you’d like to spend the rest of your life with isn’t easy. Then again, should it be? Think of the time and energy (and maybe money) you spend on finding the perfect apartment or the perfect job. Why would finding a life partner be any less difficult?

But the good news is that he’s out there. And with gay online dating sites, he’s easier to find than when you had to spend nights at bars and clubs, or at parties with friends, hoping somehow you’d spot the man across the room who would return your smile and never leave your side.

There are many things to consider when you’re looking for lasting love. Here are seven that should be at the top of your list:

1) What traits matter to you? Is it age? Body type? Hair or eye color? Religion? Job or income? Education? Sense of humor? The list can go on and on. You should spend some time making your list. Then go through it and rank those traits to decide what matters most (and remember, as Taylor Swift once said, “I think the perfection of love is that it’s not perfect.”) Maybe if a guy is smart, has a job and likes to read and go to the movies you won’t need to worry about his hair color or the size of his biceps.

2) One you’ve got that list made, you can start your search. A dark bar late at night probably isn’t the best place for that. Yes, you might catch that winning smile. You might have a conversation that reveals an adorable sense of humor. But there’s so much more that you won’t find out over a beer or Cosmo. That’s where the web can help. With gay online dating sites like Compatible Partners, you’ll save the time and money you’d spend wandering from bar to nightclub to coffee shop. You answer questions that paint a real picture of who you are and what you’re looking for in a mate. Then technology does a complicated search that otherwise could take a lifetime.

3) Compatible Partners can’t do all the work. It can find you a great match. But then you have to meet. Brunch? Dinner? A movie? How about starting instead with a cup of coffee? There are several advantages to a coffee date as a first meeting. Most of us worry about a lengthy first date with someone we don’t know. What if we don’t click? How will we get through the evening? A coffee date can last ten minutes or two hours, as long as you and he want it to. No waiting for the end of the film or the slow waiter to bring the check if it isn’t working.

4) Before the barista serves up that first coffee, have in your mind what you want to know and what you want to share. This is date No. 1, so don’t go asking about income or delve into controversial subjects like politics. Yes, he may turn out to be a Republican, or a left-wing anarchist. Once you get to know him better you’ll be able to decide whether you can work with that.

Do you have traits that define you? Do your friends marvel at your sense of humor? Do you enjoy working with your hands? Are you addicted to the gym? Work that into the conversation if the opportunity presents itself. What you don’t want to do is brag. He can discover later that your father is a billionaire and that you’ve already been nominated for a Nobel Prize or came in first at the statewide bodybuilding contest.

5) Ask questions about him, and show him that you hear his answers. People are attracted to people who are curious about them, who want to understand them. People aren’t attracted to people who seem only focused on themselves. Again, we’re not talking about questions about wealth and fame. We’re talking about how he lives his life. Those are the traits that showed up in his Compatible Partners profile. What does he most love to do on a Saturday morning? Has he ever cried at a movie? Is there a city he’s always wanted to visit or live in? And why is that? These aren’t questions you’ll make up in advance. They’ll come to you over that cup of coffee, if you actually listen to the guy in front of you.

And don’t just ask. It’s important to show that you’ve heard his answers. We’ve all been around people who ask endless questions, shooting off a new one before we’ve answered the first one.

So he says: “I love to stay in bed for an hour on Saturday morning with my dog and a cup of coffee and catch up with email on my mobile phone. You say: “What a way to start the day. Coffee for energy. Getting that crazy email out of the way.” Time for a smile.

6) If you’re nervous on a first date, or you sense he is, acknowledge it. Being nervous is natural, especially if you really are feeling a connection. Nervousness causes some guys to botch a first date by seeming distracted or worried. If you sense that, mention it, gently. “Hey. These first dates make me a little anxious,” you say. You might hear back: “Me too.” Again time for a smile, and maybe you’ll see him relax.

7) A first date rarely tells you what you want to know, even when you’ve been brought together by an online dating service like Compatible Partners that maps your personality and interests against his. He may have had a rough day, or you may have had one. Either or both of you might be feeling anxious. So if you finish that cup of coffee and you’re not sure, suggest another meet up. “This was nice. And now I’m really curious (smile). You up for meeting again?”

If that coffee date did go well, then dinner might be the next move. Or a night at a bar or club where you aren’t spending your time looking for Mr. Right. For once you’ll just be there to enjoy. West Hollywood and surrounding areas offer many options for that, which we’ve listed in Second Dates.

Yes, this takes time. But if you’re looking for someone you might spend the rest of your life with, invest that time and energy (and even a little money) to do it right.

 
Contact Compatible Partners with any questions.