The WeHo City Council had an oven-roasted debate over the fate of the turkey population. Members of PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, lined up to speak at this past week’s city council meeting.
“Turkeys are intelligent animals who enjoy having their feathers stroked and who like listening to music, with which they’ll often loudly sing along. In nature, they can fly 55 miles an hour, run 35 miles an hour, and live up to 10 years,” stated PETA in a press release issued to the Council.
A number of speakers took to the public comment podium to chirp their thoughts. Among them was Danielle Wilson, resident and director of Local Unite the Turkeys Union. “Our turkeys receive no vacation or sick pay. We are asking the council to approve one free month of vacation pay and two months of uncompensated sick leave for each turkey and ham. Our turkeys and hams cannot afford to live in West Hollywood and must travel great distances to be eaten in West Hollywood.”
Keith Kaplan, former Chair of the West Hollywood Chamber of Commerce spoke about the economic impacts of such a ban. “We need to stay competitive with our neighbors in Beverly Hills and Los Angeles to enjoy Thanksgiving Day. Who doesn’t love turkey breast?” Kaplan said.
The audience hissed with oinks and chirps, calling Kaplan a racist over his preference for turkey breast.
Mayor Shyne led off the council deliberations. “I hear you, I see you, I hear you. It is a crime to misgender a turkey or a ham. The turkeys and hams deserve equity. Turkey, life, freedom!”
Mayor Pro Tem Erickson followed shortly thereafter. “I am in support of this item. West Hollywood was founded as a sanctuary city and stands firmly against the mistreatment of turkeys and hams.”
Councilmember Meister was asked her preferences. “As a person of Jewish faith, it is against my religious beliefs to support this item. I’m supportive of the turkeys and the hams but will be voting against this item.”
Councilmember Byers spoke to the heart of the holiday. “We can reduce carbon emissions if we stop over roasting turkeys and hams. I’m a vegetarian and cannot support the genocide of turkeys.”
Councilmember Heilman spoke last. “I agree with all of my colleagues, but I cannot support this item and think it should be tabled.”
The city staff report concluded: This item is consistent with the Primary Strategic Goal of the City of West Hollywood. In addition, this item is compliant with the goal(s) of the West Hollywood General Plan and the West Hollywood Vision 2020 plan that encourages strategic opportunities and limits the choices within the City.
Footnote: This item is tongue in cheek. Please make sure to enjoy your Thanksgiving Day.