APRIL FOOLS: WeHo is purchasing a private plane to save on travel expenses

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In order to combat the optics of regular sky-high travel expenses paid for by tax dollars, West Hollywood is preparing to purchase a Cessna Citation Longitude — a super-midsize jet designed for business travel with a range of 3,500 nautical miles and a cruise speed of 547 miles per hour.

The Cessna will be given the name “Rainbow Force One” and will be painted in the clash of colors known as the Pride Progress Flag to match the city’s Rainbow Crosswalks. Its pronouns are They/Them/Theirs. 

Rainbow Force One will be 73 feet long, 19 feet high, with a wingspan of 68 feet.

Featuring a gender-neutral restroom and renewable shag carpets, the plane can seat up to 12 passengers, which will accommodate City Council, commissioners and boardmembers, and senior staffers on a variety of upcoming travel commitments, including:

  • Senior budget officers will fly to Puerto Vallarta in August to attend the biennial Cities of Wealth Symposium, where a legion of paid consultants in a myriad of fields will offer out-of-the-box ideas on how to use our municipal budget surplus. 
  • The Pet Mayor heads to Geneva in June to address the United Nations on the plight of nonbinary animals in the global south. Her stylist and wardrobe team will accompany her.
  • This summer, the Women’s Freedom Festival steering committee will do a flyover of the Supreme Court building in Washington, D.C., where they will drop balloons filled with viscous red liquid from thousands of feet in the air onto unsuspecting Republicans below to protest abortion restrictions. 
  • Later this month, city officials and labor leaders will criss-cross Los Angeles County in Rainbow Force One, which will be equipped with a skywriting device that will write “WE STAND WITH WORKERS!!!” as the delegates sit and sip champagne. 
  • The Public Safety Commission will reportedly embark on a black-ops style night flight to spirit former commissioner and billionheiress Nika Soon-Shiong away from her ivory tower at Cambridge and return her to the dragonpit beneath WeHo City Hall.
Cost estimates have not been published but City Hall released this statement earlier today: “Why u worried, we got the $$$.”
 
Plans are in the works for the plane to be used in the city’s upcoming WEHO PRIDE celebrations, perhaps as part of the parade or even to identify illegally parked cars that need to be towed.
 
Rainbow Force One will be housed in a custom robotic hangar to be constructed on the empty city-owned lot at Santa Monica and Crescent Heights.
 
Just weeks ago, City Council approved the lot for use as much-needed public parking, but hey, shit changes, try to keep up.
 
April Fools! This article was written in jest and should not be taken literally or personally. 
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Steve Martin
Steve Martin
22 days ago

Bradon, you have outdone yourself!
Loved it.

Really...
Really...
22 days ago

Hardy, Har Har !!! Mercifully, it is April Fool’s Day. 😄

Ida Lupino
Ida Lupino
22 days ago

HAHA!
We should be worried about the “private security” and “mayors house” in the Birds they are buying with taxpayers dollars!!!

John Arnold
John Arnold
22 days ago

April Fools yes, but we all know that our Mayor has been toying with this idea.

Tom
Tom
22 days ago

Obviously an April Fools joke. If you really wanted to sell it you should have written that they were buying Air Force 2 or better yet, the Spruce Goose.

Alan Strasburg
Alan Strasburg
22 days ago

Fun April Fools prank, Brandon; however, be wary of planting seeds in the grandiosity of some. LOL

Peter Buckley
Peter Buckley
23 days ago

Blood initially boiled about Nika Soon-Shiong! Fortunately her “No to AirBnB where I live but yes to high-rises where I don’t live” protege from Texas is all talk, for now.

Ben McCormick
Ben McCormick
23 days ago

The news here is that this April Fools’ Day joke article reveals how many WeHo residents have no sense of humor!

Last edited 23 days ago by Ben McCormick
:dpb
:dpb
23 days ago

You had me. You totally sucked me in.
And then, yep. April Fools.

Joan Henehan
Joan Henehan
23 days ago

WELL DONE! In West Hollywood City Hall, nothing is too crazy to be true!

Jim Nasium
Jim Nasium
23 days ago

WOW! This is an outrageous waste of taxpayer money! I hope this isn’t on the consent calendar!

Todd
Todd
23 days ago

Dragonpit! Well done, Brandon.

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