On Friday Mayor Sepi Shyne signed a mayoral decree ceding title to West Hollywood City Hall and West Hollywood Park to the members of the Gabrieleno Tongva and Kizh people.
City Hall will be vacated within thirty days.
“I wanted to act affirmatively on the suggestion of the City’s Social Justice Commission that we make amends to the surviving members of West Hollywood’s indigenous people” stated Mayor Shyne, “this action is in keeping with my role to bring enlightened solutions to past injustices. As a person of color, I am sensitive to the need to correct abuses arising from colonialism and white privilege.”
Spokespersons for the Tongva and Kizh people announced construction of a thirty story hotel to be located in West Hollywood Park while the recreational center will be repurposed into the “Kizh Kasino”. As a concession to the Mayor, all hotel and casino members shall be members of Unite Here.
City Hall will become the new tribal headquarters and provide housing for members.
When asked about the Mayor’s action, WeHo’s City attorney stated, “we have been opening our meetings for years with the statement that the buildings the City occupies are the seized, occupied and unceded territory of the Kizh and Tongva peoples. That admission seriously compromised the City’s title to these properties. Who knew that indigenous people would actually take our woke self-righteousness seriously? Nobody else does”.
At Friday’s press conference the Mayor also announced that she and Council member Chelsea Byers will be introducing an ordinance to provide for reparations for women as part of an ongoing campaign of local enlightenment.
When asked to comment on these measures, local pundit Ham Shipley could only sputter “Good grief!”
✿.｡.:* ☆:**:. ≋A≋P≋R≋I≋L≋ ≋F≋O≋O≋L≋S≋ .:*:.☆.:｡.✿
😆 This article contains fictional elements and is written in jest. Please do not take its content literally or personally.
Congratulations Mr. Martin, you have given me an article to cite when disputing the local conservative claims of genocide acceptance and systemic racism being “woke nonsense,” I have a recent example ❗
There is “Inappropriate” and there is this utterly offensive nin- joke but a City Statement” dismissing all current claims and any future. It is a tricky issues. Of all the claims, few will have merit. There will be situations where land was taken and indigenous in the US were not considered part of Native Americans, (previously know in history as ‘indians’ Should there be a valid claim, the land if not currently US government Ownership, can never be returned. An alternate piece of land, which by definition we are talking land in regions of the country far from any place… Read more »
What a racist and stupid April Fool’s joke! You people are trash. Signed, a white cis man
It’s disrespectful to Indigenous people and not funny. I’m not sure why you’re mad if it’s racist to anyone it’s Native Americans not you.
It would be a blessing if West Hollywood would commit a serious amount of time to being a serious city devoid of all the perpetual identity factors, introducing bright shiny, trendy things for the sole purpose of obtaining an award, any award from somewhere, anywhere and the requisite overly laudatory media coverage. Shut down the laboratory experiments and give residents room to breathe in a safe city.
Indeed!
Stupid and insensitive. Way to gaslight indigenous people. And, it’s not remotely funny.
You thinking indigenous people are too stupid to understand this isn’t real is much more insensitive.
My comment is directed at the editorial decision to publish, not indigenous people. Of course everyone knows it’s joke…..a bad one.
Apparently.
Condescending and insulting
Hah! Nice job, Mr Martin.
Thanks for bringing some comedic joy to my Saturday! Clearly, the only solution that is 100% equitable is if we all return to the lands from whence our forebears came. I hope France and Germany will have me.
I said this just the this morning. And commented on it in another forum where it may or may not be allowed. Ah to be in England now that April’s here.
Please, PLEASE don’t give The Woke 3 Councilmembers any ideas.
Back up your ideas in an old kit bag and resign, sign, sign.
Sepi Shyne is a person of color. What color is she? She is so determined to be in the minority that she just has creates her own ethnicity. Perhaps if instead of being something she isn’t, she could strive instead to be something else she is not: a good mayor and good council member. Lady, we don’t care what you are, just stop your b/s and be a good person. That should be exotic enough for you.
Well said.
I think she is the color of victimhood/vengeance, whatever colors those are.
Perhaps she “adopted” the color as well as the name of her former wife creating an entirely new person. Odd if not tragic that when her Mother was interviewed, there was an entirely different story and set of facts. This imposter is using West Hollywood as her laboratory experiment and I for one strenuously object.
I would like to know who was here BEFORE the Gabrieleno Tongva and Kizh people? Anyone have any idea? And what methodology was used to determine that the Gabrieleno Tongva and Kizh people were here first?
WAIT ! This HAS to be an April Fool’s Joke or it better be.
I thought it was April fools joke
Careful what you wish for