APRIL FOOLS: WeHo is purchasing a private plane to save on travel expenses

In order to combat the optics of regular sky-high travel expenses paid for by tax dollars, West Hollywood is preparing to purchase a Cessna Citation Longitude — a super-midsize jet designed for business travel with a range of 3,500 nautical miles and a cruise speed of 547 miles per hour.

The Cessna will be given the name “Rainbow Force One” and will be painted in the clash of colors known as the Pride Progress Flag to match the city’s Rainbow Crosswalks. Its pronouns are They/Them/Theirs. 

• Senior budget officers will fly to Puerto Vallarta in August to attend the biennial Cities of Wealth Symposium, where a legion of paid consultants in a myriad of fields will offer out-of-the-box ideas on how to use our municipal budget surplus. 
• The Pet Mayor heads to Geneva in June to address the United Nations on the plight of nonbinary animals in the global south. Her stylist and wardrobe team will accompany her.
• This summer, the Women’s Freedom Festival steering committee will do a flyover of the Supreme Court building in Washington, D.C., where they will drop balloons filled with viscous red liquid from thousands of feet in the air onto unsuspecting Republicans below to protest abortion restrictions. 
• Later this month, city officials and labor leaders will criss-cross Los Angeles County in Rainbow Force One, which will be equipped with a skywriting device that will write “WE STAND WITH WORKERS!!!” as the delegates sit and sip champagne. 
• The Public Safety Commission will reportedly embark on a black-ops style night flight to spirit former commissioner and billionheiress Nika Soon-Shiong away from her ivory tower at Cambridge and return her to the dragonpit beneath WeHo City Hall.