Dear WEHO: An Ode to the Falsifiers

In 1984, when AIDS was killing compassion and people, and overdevelopment and increasing rents were making life unbearable, a safe space was carved out by the people for LGBTQ+, low-income, and other discarded persons as a city they could finally call home. It carried with it the hope of a modern Garden of Eden.

But as this safe haven became fiscally irresistible, developers came running toward it with wads of tender in hand and the first false promises on their lips. “Sleep with me and I’ll love you.” And the city’s legs began to open with a “come on in,” trading its moral code for a windfall of self-serving pleasures. But the city didn’t kiss and tell, still trumpeting itself as the sympathetic savior of the people, for the people. The first falsifiers are born.

As the devilish delights of their ongoing tryst become more intoxicating, the quietly cool self-glorifying feeling of power, and the devious delectations of money set in, leaving only the shells of human beings on both sides of the bed. In their intimate whisperings, did they already plan to remake the city for themselves? The falsifiers conjoined.

With their lovers’ help, developers devour more and more of the city, so much so that their bellies grow to astronomical proportions. To keep their pockets deep, it proves more advantageous to keep a portion of their real estate empty for years as a tax write-off. No matter that these vacant stores, homes, and apartments help drive up prices, hurt other businesses, and displace residents. It’s all in the name of the city they love.

But greed breeds greed, and they want more. They must have that untouchable land, those lots zoned for one- and two-story family homes. The homes and apartments people spent decades working and sacrificing in order to buy, investing everything they had because it was a low-density neighborhood, offering the quality of life they worked for and dreamed about.

Like any good partner, the city does what it can to give its lover what it wants, showering them with variances, density bonuses, not having to adhere to parking requirements, and diminishing the involvement of that awful nuisance, the people. “We’ll pave an easy road for you to build bigger, pricier homes and businesses that will let you reap even more.” In return, they get secret coaxing kisses of money, campaign support, and political advancement. Together, the falsifiers strengthen. If only they could rid themselves of those irksome we-the-people.

The solipsistic paramours buy unions, create and rule organizations, non-profits, and movements using labels those pesky we-the-people love, like “abundant housing,” “bikes,” “homeless,” and “subways,” without disclosing their associations or true motives. The biggest buzz comes from the phrase “housing crisis.” The falsifiers finally found their golden goose.

With an ongoing vacancy rate in the city of 11-15%, the falsifiers falsely claim there’s a “housing crisis,” knowing it’s really an affordability crisis, “but don’t tell we-the-people.” Say “affordable” over and over, but be sure to omit it when writing legal obligations. After all, luxury housing, occupied or vacant, helps them both, if no one else. But there’s that damn voice of we-the-people once again, many who own homes. They must be silenced.

The falsifiers find and even hire some younger people to trumpet the need for high-density development. They’ve trained these uninformed beings to say (and believe?) it’s the answer to the “housing crisis” and beneficial to the environment and people’s health, without a mention of how only the rich will be able to afford it, or that it will rip out trees, groundwater, sunlight, and families, and negatively impact the rent-stabilized, disabled, and elderly.

These young and naive peeps set out to vilify those whose homes are in jeopardy, hurling falsehoods like NIMBY, segregationist, elitist, millionaire, and other impudently charged words at them. Little do these pups know that many of these homes are populated by hardworking LGBTQ+ and straight families, retirees on fixed incomes, rent-stabilized, and disabled persons.

But they don’t care, empathy is a lost art that generation only reads about. Their venomous diatribe only makes them look like they abhor anyone whose lifestyle and views differ from their own, and that they secretly cherish what others have, despondently (and mistakenly) feeling they can never obtain it themselves. If they can’t have it, no one should. Their ignorance makes them evil. A new generation of falsifiers has spawned.

And here we are today, with the falsifiers running the show and narrative, turning down the voice of we-the-people to a notch above “off.” As a pair, they boast they are here to help the we-the-people, and the “housing” and affordable housing crisis, yet they repeatedly replace completely rent-stabilized buildings with luxury apartments that offer a small handful of rent-stabilized units, continually diminishing the city’s total of rent-stabilized units. They also redlined single-family home neighborhoods for prime high-density makeovers, with no regard for their inhabitants’ lives, investments, or financial situations.

The city and its bedmates recently broke champagne, celebrating the victory of their long-planned scheme to get the subway to the tiny city with an excessive three stops, a victory that will green light high-density development all over the city, including the places that give developers wet dreams.

The falsifiers became such a power couple that they were able to pull off this coup d’état with virtually no notice or outreach to the we-the-people most affected, without serious site-specific environmental studies on the city’s high water table or the land subsidence that will follow, and no clear financial plan on how to cover the cost of the subway itself.

Surely, this plan was born long ago in a lover’s whisper, one in which both sides will do everything they can to bury their lover’s secrets in the darkness of the tunnels below, and use the light of the train to guide them to their next political stop or demolition site.

At the pivotal vote, a neighboring mayor voiced a concern that in the past, a freeway was built that divided and destroyed a prosperous minority community, cautioning that we don’t repeat the same mistake. She then voted to do the same to us, sealing the fate of our lost city.

A place that began as a refuge from overdevelopment and increasing rents, and for LGBTQ+, low-income, and other discarded persons has now twisted into a mere stepping stone for political careers and a free-for-all sanctuary for developers. Initially built on good intentions, our city has been obliterated by falsifiers.

Eric D.

West Hollywood